I never kept a diary or journal growing up. Looking back at my untreated anxiety and depression, it probably would have done me some good. When I started blogging in college, it ended up as toxic ranting about unrequited love rather than productively processing thoughts.
Even when I started seeing a therapist and putting my raw emotions into writing, it was painful to look back at it years later. I wanted to feel proud of my self-growth, but instead I was re-triggered by the dark places of my past. So I threw away or deleted every journal entry I could find.
My hope with this public blog is to reinforce accountability for growth in my life, encouraging me to process my thoughts and feelings in a healthy manner rather than privately shoving them under a rug and burning it sometime in the future.
Blogging is an outlet for my raw, unfiltered self, but this time I’m adding a cherry on top — the “SO WHAT?”
Verbal vomiting can feel great, but for me it’s counterproductive. Taking an extra few minutes, hours, or days to decide why I’m thinking or feeling a certain way gives me closure. It’s not a perfect answer, but it’s a way forward, and I can’t argue with that progress.