Sunday, June 21, 2020
It’s rare that I wake up in the morning and vividly remember the details of my dream, but today it’s lingering hours later. Maybe it’s stress. Maybe it’s the gummy I ate last night. I’m a huge nerd when it comes to dream analysis… it’s a secret guilty pleasure.
When I regain consciousness and feel instantly sad about returning to reality, I’m prompted to lean into the “wish fulfillment” aspects of the dream. What am I trying to tell myself about my desires, and am I somehow being held back from attaining them?
In last night’s dream, my manager had a 29-year-old daughter named Midnight. We became friends immediately, sharing interests like pole and food. Specifically she just competed in a Pole Sports Organization (PSO) competition, and we made plans to go out and gossip at a nice restaurant.
My memory of the details dwindle as I write this journal entry, but the emotions clearly remain. When chatting with Midnight, I felt a sense of companionship and connection. I was genuinely happy, which was relieving since I went to sleep feeling depressed.
Having studied psychology recently, it’s fascinating to learn that Freudian ideologies are considered outdated in the industry, but I think some lessons still hold true when it comes to dream analysis. Namely, I buy the fact that my subconscious is attempting communication with my conscious self.
MIDNIGHT – The most obvious symbol is the name of my new friend. Though I’m a morning person, I always wondered what it’d be like to be a night owl. I was invited to play video games last night, but I was too tired and felt like I was missing out on bonding time. I enjoy getting up early (I’m not capable of sleeping past 7am) because I have time and space to myself, but it does get lonely when I don’t have the energy to hang out with my friends when they’re awake.
POLE – In the past few days, I’ve been debating whether or not to cancel my registration to compete in October. We’re not sure what the pandemic situation will look like. I’m averse to the stress that comes with competition. Having a pole at home doesn’t feel the same for routine and character development. And I can’t go into the studio as long as my husband is actively protesting. Quarantine is definitely eating away at my creativity and motivation to keep up with pole.
FOOD – My first journal entry was meant to be about coming down from the high of hanging out with friends at Denver bars and restaurants. It was a Monday and work got busy, so I procrastinated. Anyways I’ll probably post those thoughts retroactively. In short, I have so many wonderful new memories from this past week, and I’ve missed doing that more often.
MANAGER – To make sure I’ve covered all my bases, I don’t think he played a significant symbolic role. It was likely just contextual. We have a great relationship, and I’ll often say hi to his actual daughter while we’re in a Zoom meeting. If anything, his presence reinforced my positive feelings about working at my full-time job… which I already knew.
It’s hard for me to remember that journal entries don’t need a definitive conclusion. My objective of articulating my thoughts is simply to record and reflect. If there was a takeaway, this dream is a reminder to connect with my friends more often, as I’ve been feeling a little lonely lately.
Granted, I’m awaiting the results from yesterday’s COVID test, so I’ve been quarantined from everyone, including my husband. It’s not outrageous to guess that this dream stemmed from the stress of experiencing intense COVID symptoms one day, then feeling anxious in hopes of a negative test.
On the other hand, I’m repeatedly fascinated by the human psyche and the lessons it has to offer in the form of dreams. Masochistically I hope I’ll have more to analyze in the coming weeks, especially if it’s the only form of therapy I’m allowing myself at the moment.