At 8:45am last Thursday, I stopped halfway up the steps to the San Francisco Hall of Justice and peered out from under my umbrella at the building looming over me. I was overcome with anxiety and nausea. After a week of nightmares and insomnia, I should have been relieved this day had finally come, but one question kept haunting me: What was I trying to achieve by coming here?
The idea of putting an "unfinished product" out there on the internet was the most anxiety-inducing thought that crossed my mind in awhile. Then again, what was the worst that could happen? What was I so afraid of? Hateful comments? Internet trolls? My parents discovering my YouTube channel? Probably all the above.
To this day, about 10 years later, I still regret not learning how to play the snare drum. Technically I could learn now, but I don't have the interest at this point in my life, and that's not the point anyways. This is just a short demonstration of the way I lived my life until I was about 25. I kept caving into what I call "perfection paralysis."