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What’s a Friend to Me?
I had no idea how much my life was going to change when I got the phone call about Vasil. All the promises we made during the pandemic to see each other instantly became moot. Beyond the shock and denial of his death, my brain went into an existential spiral–re-evaluating life priorities and who I…
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Inside the Mind of a Serial Relationship Killer
I feel sick to my stomach because I did it again. I’m leaning over a dirty motel room sink, vigorously scrubbing the blood off my hands and uncontrollably sobbing. My body loses the energy to stand and slowly crumples to the floor. I start throwing up into the toilet. For a moment, I pause to…
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How I Navigate Having a Partner with ADHD
When I met my anchor partner, I didn’t know anything about ADHD.After decades of developing his identity and habits, he started asking things like, “So what’s me, and what’s my ADHD? What’s wrong with me?”
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The Startup of You
Re-entering the world of dating after divorce felt like launching my own startup, except that startup was me. For months, I was trying to build the perfect product in stealth mode–doing therapy, getting stronger through pole, focusing on my new job, and fostering a community of friends.
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My Brain on ENM: Lessons Learned From Non-Monogamy
In just one year of this new identity, I’ve become super intimate with my brain. I can’t fathom how I processed life before, or what it was like not to know these five things.
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Remembering the Power of Play
While it sucked to be isolated with COVID for 10 days, I was grateful for the huge lesson I learned in that time: remembering the power of play.
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Goddammit, I’m Just Like My Parents
What if my parents had raised me more traditionally and reinforced this Asian elitism? How would it affect the way I see and interact with other human beings? I started wondering what behaviors and mindsets I did inherit from them.
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Rising to the Occasion: The Peter Principle in Relationships
People become paralyzed when context switching all the time, much like a balloon getting stuck in a tree.